[26 Jul 2005|10:48am] i quit. bye livejournal. 1 ♥

[21 Jul 2005|08:13pm] [ music | stapelgunned -- the spill canvas ] it's been a while. 2 days after my last entry, my bunny died. RIP Wiggles. he was the cutest/sweetest (at least towards me) thing ever. i learned i'm too emotional for pets, therefore, no more pets for me. my computer died so i'm using the stupid laptop. i hate it. i got my wisdom teeth pulled out 2 days ago. pain. pain. pain. thank god for painkillers. i've lost 2 pounds in 1 day because i haven't been able to eat real food. this blows. i don't know how i feel anymore. the boy gives me a reason everyday to just end it. sometimes i just can't take it and i just want to punch him in the face. harsh. i know. but slkfjjdifjiofjasdf. i'm sitting here in the dark, watching re-runs of the oc and watching his dog, which should just become my dog because i take care of him/clean up after him more than he does. my head hurts. my mouth hurts. i'm tired. grouchy. bitchy. hungry. in need of a pedicure. massage. ugh. ♥

[02 Jul 2005|12:04am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | alvarez -- funeral for a friend ] my cousin moved in today. i'm so excited. it's nice to have someone else (besides my parents) in the house and plus, we get along pretty good. and i get to borrow her clothes =D in other news, my car died. or not really died. it just doesn't start anymore. piece of shit. i hate it. joseph tried to jump it but that didn't work. that means my starter's broken and i need to spend money on my stupid car. ugh. i need to get rid of it. fast. if anyone needs a car, gimme a call. ♥

[21 Jun 2005|11:47pm] [ music | say g'night -- bleed the dream ] work is becoming the suck and i haven't been sleeping well the past couple days either. ugh. bleed the dream comes to dallas on friday and i won't be seeing them. cuz i'll be stuck at work. UGH. this sucks. i'm going to bed. ♥

[15 Jun 2005|11:32pm] [ music | overcrowded room -- bleed the dream ] our tickets to california are purchased and everything is ready to go. yay. butttt...i have to leave the 13th of august. august 13 = daphne loves derby and i won't be here to see them. ugh. hopefully they'll come back soon. i was really really looking forward to seeing them too. my scheduling sucks. actually, my schedule just sucks. and the day after i get back is the first day of school. BOO. thrice / underoath / the bled tour after warped or sometime in the fall / winter. kick ass. i'm already there. i went to best buy to get the funeral for a friend cd this morning and i was late to work. ooops... i suck at saving up money. but at least i cut up my credit card. go me! i'm feeling pretty random. ♥

i hate you [13 Jun 2005|08:47pm] so lets not even try you're right let's ball it up and throw it out the window it's becoming all so clear in my mind i've thought this thing through more than once or twice i feel that this is my last request to you hold your breath bottle it up and save it for the next one it's safe to say we've been writing this all night none of this will ever change your mind it's never safe to rely on borrowed time now we're both undone and it's time to open up your eyes consequence, it's our need in times like these feeling free it's our modern disease you're a classic disaster with a knack for losing your exterior (i'm so sick) from staring at the mirror this all needs a break from you and i'm used to this i fear that i am just an end so you play the mistaken and i'll play the victim in our screenplay of desire i'm still writing the letters i'll never send running in circles i can't forget how many times i've played this in my mind feeling free, feeling free consequence, it's our need in times like these feeling free it's our modern disease you're a classic disaster with a knack for losing your exterior (i'm so sick) from staring at the mirror this is my panic this is my call to arms young and aspiring : underoath ♥

love love loveeee [11 Jun 2005|02:00am] monday was the copeland/rainer maria show (i know, i'm a little late) and it was wonderful! i love copeland..they never cease to amaze me. everyone should go see them..nice boys too =D ( a couple pictures courtesy of the boy ) 1 ♥

[20 May 2005|12:36am] i really need to stop with this whole drinking everyday thing... ♥

[17 May 2005|10:33pm] [ music | who's killing who -- bleed the dream ] i'm way bored. it's about 10:30 and i'm sitting at home. i am never home at this time of night. crazy. jo jo's somewhere, supposedly eating with his dad but it's been about 3 hours since he left. today's the niss-ter's birthday but she's not even in the country. she's leaving me alone for one whole month! and she's going to miss my birthday. again. what a hoebag. i'm gonna miss her. now i'm friendless for like a month. poopity. oh yeah so sunday was bad ass. went to the zen bar for the mavs game. ownage. didn't even get carded. double vodkas and sprites own me. joseph thought our waitress was cute and was totally checking her out. it was sad cuz i didn't even care and didn't even get mad at him. if i was sober, i would've beat his ass. yeah. all 4 of us were semi-fucked. work was super quiet today. paige was sick and ryan left early. and everyone else is always in the back computer/cubicle room NOT WORKING. so me and steph were like the only ones in the main office and we were the only ones doing anything. so we decided to leave early. i really like my job. paige is an awesome boss and almost everyone there is super cool. minus ryan. he's a bit of a douchebag. but i can deal. after work i went to best buy to try to find the dld ep. i have every song except one i think. we bet the willing..i want the actual cd and i could just order it but i'm too lazy. i've decided i'm gonna get myself a birthday present. just cuz i never spoil myself. ever since i've gotten my job, i haven't bought anything for myself. so i'm gonna give myself a birthday present. i'm thinking about getting myself another nixon watch. but this one is 200 bucks. or another digital camera. one that i could actually put in my pocket. like the canon sd300? or 400? i don't remember which one is the better one. or maybe i'll just buy myself a buttload of clothes. that'd make me happy too. this day & age is coming june 7th and it's only 6 freaking bucks! i'm so there...if anyone wants to go, holla. cuz i don't think the boy wants to go..it's a tuesday. at trees. 6 bucks yo! ♥

[15 May 2005|01:55am] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | confessions -- bleed the dream ] i'm so hungry right now. and it's like freaking 2 am. maybe cuz i ate dinner at like 5. today was a pretty good day i suppose. joseph made me wash my car though. that wasn't fun. then we went to look for tuxes with kristy & rusty for their wedding. joseph's an usher so i'll be sitting by myself for most of the wedding. poopity. then went to dave & buster's to kill some time. i owned the boy at basketball. yeah! then we went and saw crash. it was good. i really liked it. then on the way home, joseph tried to race a freaking 360 modena. i want one of those so bad but i don't think i could ever afford one. i'm having trouble saving up for a s2000, a stupid honda. but overall, it was a good day. haven't had one of those in a while. ♥

[13 May 2005|11:50am] all hands on deck don’t abandon the ship you’ll never know what it could have been all hands on deck my ship is sinking don’t let me go, don’t let me drown a step to the right to your own rhythm because what comes next is up to you i need a miracle to save me from this i need the angels to all pray for me i can’t believe you another day another worry breaks right through and indecision bleeds me dry she’s turning pages i’m not making for her she’s painting pictures without me in mind i can’t believe you the long walks on moon light beach the promises you could not keep you're so contagious, you're so contagious for all the world we did not see for all the smiles you gave to me they're so contagious, so contagious so very fake goodbye to you goodbye to you hands on deck : waking ashland ♥

[09 May 2005|01:27am] [ music | jack and white -- bleed the dream ] i'm in terrible pain. i slammed my finger in joseph's 50000 pound car door. now it's blue and purple and bleeding. =/ anyways, i got my mom these really cute lavender roses for momma's day. they were a pretty color. i'd take a picture but i'm too lazy to walk out to the living room. and i can't use my finger to click the button thing on the camera anyways. ♥

with a face like yours, you don't need a heart [08 May 2005|02:51am] [ music | jack slap cheer -- the matches ] i guess i'll update. it's about 3am and i'm still not asleep. i need to vent but i don't want to do it here. i'm just gonna say that i am sick of this shit and i don't know how much longer i can take. you need to stop fucking around and get serious or i am done. watched the game. wasn't actually a game, more like a beating. 40 fucking points. houston got owned. mavs advance to round 2 and i'm waking up early to purchase some tickets. so it's almost officially summer and you know what that means. concert time. doesn't it seem like more bands come during the summer? i think so. but anyways, there are a couple shows i want to go to but i'll probably end up going to only half of them. sad, compared to like 2-3 years ago when we used to just drive around texas, hitting up these podunk towns to see bands and hang out/get drunk with them. those were some good times. today i found out this day & age are coming in june. the day before mae/the academy is... comes. rad. and i might just go to warped even tho i swore to never go back, just to see a couple bands. well, mainly one. bleed the dream. i swear, that tour gets worse and worse every year. the scene, not so much the bands. just a bunch of little slutty kids running around, granted i might just be getting too old for this scene. eh. daphne loves derbyyy comes in august. i am definitely going to see them. speaking of getting old, i turn 20 in 17 days. i'm not looking forward to it at all. not because i'm getting older, just because birthdays just don't mean much anymore. my birthdays seem to get worse and worse every year. i think the best one was when i turned 18 only because i got drunk at noon. and even that didn't feel that great. it just made everything seem not so bad. fuck me and my drunkenness. i'm a bit tipsy right now. sad that two beers can do that to you. ♥

amazing song, amazing band [28 Apr 2005|07:58pm] you always had a way with words in letters back and forth we'd send back when we were foolish kids the world was only as big as a heart and she walks just like i remember (just like i remember) like something's on her mind (something's on her mind) and she said (and she said) that she would still remember when everything, everything was fine i wish everything was fine you thought we had it figured out and nothing can stop us now i wish we were those foolish kids we could go back inside again we always knew this night would come but i could never give you up so just go on lying 'cause we can just pretend and she walks just like i remember (just like i remember) like something's on her mind (something's on her mind) and she said (and she said) that she would still remember when everything, everything was fine i wish everything was fine you always knew it was the right way the right way to make a point in everything i'm gonna make up for last time i'm gonna make up for this i'm gonna wake up and rewind and she walks just like i remember something's on her mind and she walks just like i remember (just like i remember) like something's on her mind (something's on her mind) and she said (and she said) that she would still remember when everything, everything was fine just like i remember : bleed the dream 1 ♥

you get me out of the rain, you get me out of my clothes [26 Apr 2005|03:50pm] [ music | legends die -- bleed the dream ] may is gonna be a busy month. my brother comes home on the 19th for r&r from iraq. and may 25th is my birthday. yay. and hopefully i will be working my ass off in may and the rest of summer so i can get a car! i'm wanting an s2000..or maybe even like an A4. but we will see. but i'll be making payments on my own which is the suckage, but i guess that goes with the whole being independent thing. ugh. hopefully i'll have enough money by the end of summer. i'm so impatient. my cousin's moving in the end of july i think. dammit. i like having the house to myself. oh well. i guess at least i won't be lonely. and she is hilarious, so i guess she'll be like entertainment for me. i got my bleed the dream and acceptance cds today. i had to go to a couple stores to find them but i found them! =D i just want to start off saying that i love love love bleed the dream.built by blood is an absolutely incredible cd. wow. these boys never cease to amaze me. (and they are gorgeous - especially brandon..sex!) but, i'm not digging the the packaging warcon is doing for their bands. it's like a bright yellow slip cover thing. i don't like it. acceptance, well i knew this was a great cd since i've had it for like 2 months now. ha. hooray for online leakages. but i still went out and bought the cd cuz i'm all about support. but turns out i have to go thru this stupid, shitty, lengthy process to get the damn cd on my damn ipod. ugh. damn the government and their stupid anti-piracy shit. anyways....this band is going to be huge. i promise. ♥

[14 Apr 2005|12:51pm] [ music | checkmarks -- the academy is ] it's been a while since i've been able to say that i am completely happy with everything right now. but i am. i finally have a new job, me and joseph are doing soo good, and everything is just wonderful. it's been a year and a half for us. that's a long time. for me at least, just cuz i can't seem to keep boys for very long, but maybe that's cuz stupid emo / scene boys were just bad for / to me. but my boy is soooo much better even if he is asian. =D he is money. i love love love him. on another note, i picked up the GAD cd. i'm totally digging it. took me a while but i'm really liking it. 2 more weeks till the Bleed the Dream (♥ x 328748923) and Acceptance cd comes out. i can't wait. these were 2 cds i've been looking forward to and i know i won't be dissappointed because they are both such amazing bands. RIP Scott of BTD..he passed away on sunday from leukemia. =( ♥

[25 Feb 2005|11:24pm] everyone knows i cry a lot. but there are times where i let myself collapse onto the floor and bawl like a fucking baby. like today. and let my eyes fill up to the point where i'm not able to see. and to the point where i'm gasping for air. i let myself just fall apart. i have to get as miserable as humanly possible so i can try to put everything back together ♥

OH EM GEE! [24 Dec 2004|11:20am] i saw ryan cabrera and ashlee simpson at willowbend yesterday! OMG! haha. man i am cool. then i bumped into jen and she was like omg i got a picture with cabrera! haha what a fag. i don't like winter break cuz i end up seeing everyone i used to know / hang out with. which is cool but gay at the same time. cuz there's just some people you don't want to see. anyways. yeah. just thought i'd share. ♥

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